*Abuse (sexual assault, domestic or interpersonal violence) is a form of taking away,  limiting and controlling an individuals’ power.* 
 

When someone confides in you to share their experience of being harmed, it may lead to a plethora of questions and or sitting with the uncomfortability of not having answers or immediate solutions. 


There is POWER IN CHOICE- allow them to dictate how much or what is shared. Do not play detective by asking questions to find out how or why the abuse occurred. You are a loving witness to the healing of their wound story. Healing takes time, grace and support. 


Safety is key- of course physical safety but emotional as well. Emotional safety as upholding their trust and confidence in you- a person of safety- someone they can share their wounds story with. If possible, listen without being reactive in your body language/ facial expressions. 


Know YOUR limits.
Ask “how can I support you?”, rather than offering unsolicited advice. Thank them for sharing and confiding in you and offer assistance to locate a professional in the matter; such as calling a local crisis hotline or going with them to the hospital. Sometimes, just having someone listen is enough. 


Check your personal biases to ensure you are actively listening.
 

Supportive phrases that may reverse misconceptions or stigma: 

I believe you. 
It was not your fault… no matter what happened.
You did not deserve that. 
I’m here to support you in WHAT YOU WANT to do next. 
You did your best in the moment to reduce further harm. 
YOU matter and you are not alone.
 
 
NATIONAL SEXUAL ASSAULT HOTLINE
NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE
SUICIDE PREVENTION

Claudia Dhyan Shanti is an advocate and certified counselor for survivors of sexual assault. 
Yoga & Meditation with Dhyan Shanti
SF Bay Area
Ohlone/ Chochenyo Land, CA